


nolanel_ebook

by lesserkey (cogito)



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Humor, M/M, Multi, Shitposting in DF queue, extremely not canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:15:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24426397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cogito/pseuds/lesserkey
Summary: 5 minute shitpost fic from duty finder for the 20-minutes Nolanel zineNolanel Midgardsormr?Yes, Nolanel Midgardsormr.
Relationships: Haurchefant Greystone/Warrior of Light
Kudos: 5





	nolanel_ebook

The four of them were chilling in Duty Finder queue when Spiders suddenly said, "Let me tell you a story."

There was no opposition, so she began against the better judgment of every single Whorse in the chat.

 _"Once upon a time there was an Elezen named Nolanel,_ " She said, _"Who met another Elezen named Haurchefant who cared, and loved him very much."_

_"But then Haurchefant met Nolanel, and thought 'Wow, what a handsome Elezen.'_

_And realized that he liked him._

_'Oh no, how do I tell him I like him?" "_

_'That's easy,' Said the Elezen without a shirt on, doing squats half-naked in Haurchefant's office. 'You should make a betrothal necklace.'"_

Nolanel gasped. "omg....."

_"'omg,' said Haurchefant, gasping, 'Won't I be too forward?'"_

"O_O" Nolanel typed, amazed, "Read my mind."

_"'No', replied the shirtless Elezen. 'If you like it, then you should put a necklace on it.'"_

"Did you just quote Beyonce." Wewesi asked.

Spiders ignored them.

_"'Omg.......' Haurchefant exclaimed, 'You're right!'_ _So the next day, when Nolanel came into pet the chocobos of Camp Dragonhead, Haurchefant walked up to him with his cheeks aflame."_

"Aflame......." Wewesi gasped.

' _If would be an honour if you could take my present_ ,' _He said to Nolanel,_

_'What do you mean,'_ _asked Nolanel, 'omg.'_

_"I bought you this Halonic Inquisitor's Choker's choker,' said Haurchefant, 'please take it as a symbol of my favour for you.'_

_'omg,' said Nolanel, who was so happy that he forgot to breathe,_

_and passed out right there._

_The end."_

"OIJSKDVGB" mashed Nolanel into the chat.

"LSDKFDKLFJ" mashed Wewesi as well.

"WAKE UP HIM," Nolanel screamed, "WAKE HIM UP!!!!"

Though he had been quiet the entire time, as he usually was, Unga Bunga was archiving this masterpiece for posterity. Surely it would become an Ishgardian children's tale as a symbol of Haurchefant's eternal love for all things beautiful.

Then Jenna aka Nolanel's creator said, "Ok, to be fair I don't think he'd forget how to breathe but if he thought about it too hard he'd probably get stressed out and stop."

**Author's Note:**

> I think the formatting on this took longer than the 'fic' itself.
> 
>   * Nolanel belongs to [Jenna.](https://twitter.com/regretorb)  
> 
>   * Unga Bunga belongs to [ Blake](https://twitter.com/osohejou)  
> 
>   * Wewesi belongs to [Ace.](https://twitter.com/west666420)  
> 
>   * Spiders belongs to me.  
> 
> 

> 
> Our static/group chat name is "Haurchefant's Whorses."  
> Original post compiled by Blake [here.](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/657874333623910425/715424418511192074/unknown.png)


End file.
